How to talk to your man about a sensitive issue

We sometimes complain that the men don’t want to talk or listen.

Here are some things that could help..

WATCH YOUR TONE

When upset or frustrated, your tone could easily become sharp, harsh, condescending and full of coldness. A man doesn’t like engaging anyone with such a tone. Approach him with peace and the issue will be resolved in peace

TIMING

Straight after work is not the time for a deep talk. One is mentally and physically tired. Let him relax first, put his feet up and approach the subject at a good time

WATCH YOUR EYES

Men get repelled by condescending and mean eyes. I’m sure you would too

DON’T ENGAGE HIM WHEN HE IS DRUNK

If your man is the type that gets intoxicated, don’t bother yourself to talk about serious issues. Wait till he is sober to have a meaningful talk

DON’T CONFRONT HIM IN FRONT OF YOUR CHILD(REN)

In front of the kids be cordial, smile, show unity and when it’s just you and him, then talk about the issue

DON’T ACCUSE HIM FALSELY

Some women do this. However, this is the easiest way to make him feel attacked and to break the delicate fabric of trust between you two. Before you jump to conclusions, ask him questions politely. Talk with facts. Don’t interrogate, politely ask.

DON’T CAUSE A SCENE

A man loses respect for a woman who causes a scene in public or infront of family or friends

SOOTHE HIM

If you want to introduce a topic that has been bothering you, hold on to it. Prepare him his favourite meal, do things that make him feel good. While he is in a good mood, lovingly introduce the issue for discussion

BE IN CONTROL OF YOUR EMOTIONS

If the issue is heavy, be prepared for a conversation that will be heavy on your heart but remain calm and collected. Being frantic and delirious will not aid your cause.

NO INSULTS

Watch your tongue. Keep calm. Insulting him or parading his weaknesses and past mistakes will complicate things. You need him to know you are on the same team

DON’T INTRODUCE OTHER PEOPLE’S OPINIONS

Don’t tell him things like ‘Even my mum thinks you should…’, ‘My friend Kajwang who is a man thinks we should…”, “Zamira says her husband…” Don’t show him you talk about your personal issues with outsiders. Don’t show him you value other people’s opinions more than his. Don’t show him your motivation is based on comparing you two with other couples

BOOST HIS EGO A TAD

Appreciate him more than you criticize him. If you want a man to grow in doing good, praise him for the good he does big and small. When you make him feel like a hero each time he pleases you, he will love pleasing you and will listen more

DON’T BOY HIM

Don’t talk down at him. He should never feel disrespected by the woman he has committed to. He hates it when you babysit him

DON’T TALK AT HIM

Talk with him. Give him time to speak, don’t run your mouth. It should be a two-way conversation, not an order

TALK AFTER MAKING LOVE

You can choose to talk about the issue after making love. At that time, both of you are feeling most in love. Talk intimately and peacefully about the issue, he is so receptive to all you say at that time

TAKE HIM ON A DATE

Or you can take him to a place outside his home where he will be more conscious of his demeanour in public. An outside setting also breaks the monotony of home. Talk about the issue over a date

DON’T MAKE HIM FEEL UNEASY

Men get unsettled by the words ‘We need to talk’. Ease off the pressure by not putting him on the hot seat

DON’T PUSH HIM

Don’t pressure him to conclude the issue. If he needs time to think through what you have talked with him about, give him time. Sometimes a man needs to arrange his thoughts in his “me” time. You have had ample time to think about the issue, probably more time than him

BE FLEXIBLE

Perhaps after you talk, he might not see things your way or the outcome may not be as you anticipated. Don’t have a fixed mind, you two have to come to a joint agreement. Sometimes also you will need to exercise patience