I left my husband because he was cheating, ended up becoming his sidechick…

I have four kids.

I divorced my husband because of his cheating behavior.

Yes, I left with the kids.

However, I started working very hard to put a shelter over their head, clothing, feeding them, paying for their school fees, and making provisions for their other needs and expenses. God only knows that it was hard on me. Making ends meet was hard on myself.

My monthly earnings were not enough to cater for all the needs, and because of that I delayed sometimes on paying for the kids’ school fees.

Single parenthood has never been easy. Four precious lives depended on me, and I battled tirelessly to provide for their needs, often teetering on the edge of financial collapse. The pain of my ex-husband’s infidelity still seared, like an open wound.

Then, I began to think of the side chics that my ex husband had and why he had them. I didn’t even question the morality. Then the more I ruminated about it, the more I understood the reason for it. Perhaps, they too were desperate for love and validation. Maybe, they’ve got kids too, mouths to feed, life to live? As I grappled with this, I began to see humanity in my ex-husband’s mistresses.

It didn’t make sense still.

So, I call the married man when he’s at home, and he hides to shout at me for wanting to disturb the peace he has with his “wife” as I ought to know when he’s at home. I think of my hurts. I think of my consolations.

At least, I had a husband who was mine. He cheated but he was fully mine. So, I attempted to find out what is going on with him now, he is married again to a younger woman.

After I made contacts, he comes to visit me and kids. He drops money once in a while. The new wife is in charge now. I connect on old times. We meet at hidden places. He leaves afterwards to his house and wife.

I am now dating two married men. Both of them are cheating on their wives. The irony was too crushing. I found myself seeking comfort in relationships with married men, perpetuating a cycle I didn’t want to be part of.

I rethink my life again.

I am growing and learning. I am hitting menopause. My kids are too young for these sufferings. I know they deserve better. They need their dad in their lives now, but he is married and had already started a new family. He’s moved on. My ex-husband has moved on, building a new life with a younger woman, while I’m left to pick up the fragments of my shattered dreams.

I can’t stop thinking of my life.

My husband treated us well until I found out he was cheating. My children, innocent and vulnerable, need their father’s presence, but he’s gone, leaving me to face the darkness alone. I’m trapped in this abyss, questioning every decision, every step that led me here. Why did I have to leave?

Where do I go to now? I am left questioning my path and seeking a new direction.