We sometimes complain that the men don’t want to talk or listen.
Here are some things that could help..
WATCH YOUR TONE
When upset or frustrated, your tone could easily become sharp, harsh, condescending and full of coldness. A man doesn’t like engaging anyone with such a tone. Approach him with peace and the issue will be resolved in peace
TIMING
Straight after work is not the time for a deep talk. One is mentally and physically tired. Let him relax first, put his feet up and approach the subject at a good time
WATCH YOUR EYES
Men get repelled by condescending and mean eyes. I’m sure you would too
DON’T ENGAGE HIM WHEN HE IS DRUNK
If your man is the type that gets intoxicated, don’t bother yourself to talk about serious issues. Wait till he is sober to have a meaningful talk
DON’T CONFRONT HIM IN FRONT OF YOUR CHILD(REN)
In front of the kids be cordial, smile, show unity and when it’s just you and him, then talk about the issue
DON’T ACCUSE HIM FALSELY
Some women do this. However, this is the easiest way to make him feel attacked and to break the delicate fabric of trust between you two. Before you jump to conclusions, ask him questions politely. Talk with facts. Don’t interrogate, politely ask.
DON’T CAUSE A SCENE
A man loses respect for a woman who causes a scene in public or infront of family or friends
SOOTHE HIM
If you want to introduce a topic that has been bothering you, hold on to it. Prepare him his favourite meal, do things that make him feel good. While he is in a good mood, lovingly introduce the issue for discussion
BE IN CONTROL OF YOUR EMOTIONS
If the issue is heavy, be prepared for a conversation that will be heavy on your heart but remain calm and collected. Being frantic and delirious will not aid your cause.
NO INSULTS
Watch your tongue. Keep calm. Insulting him or parading his weaknesses and past mistakes will complicate things. You need him to know you are on the same team
DON’T INTRODUCE OTHER PEOPLE’S OPINIONS
Don’t tell him things like ‘Even my mum thinks you should…’, ‘My friend Kajwang who is a man thinks we should…”, “Zamira says her husband…” Don’t show him you talk about your personal issues with outsiders. Don’t show him you value other people’s opinions more than his. Don’t show him your motivation is based on comparing you two with other couples
BOOST HIS EGO A TAD
Appreciate him more than you criticize him. If you want a man to grow in doing good, praise him for the good he does big and small. When you make him feel like a hero each time he pleases you, he will love pleasing you and will listen more
DON’T BOY HIM
Don’t talk down at him. He should never feel disrespected by the woman he has committed to. He hates it when you babysit him
DON’T TALK AT HIM
Talk with him. Give him time to speak, don’t run your mouth. It should be a two-way conversation, not an order
TALK AFTER MAKING LOVE
You can choose to talk about the issue after making love. At that time, both of you are feeling most in love. Talk intimately and peacefully about the issue, he is so receptive to all you say at that time
TAKE HIM ON A DATE
Or you can take him to a place outside his home where he will be more conscious of his demeanour in public. An outside setting also breaks the monotony of home. Talk about the issue over a date
DON’T MAKE HIM FEEL UNEASY
Men get unsettled by the words ‘We need to talk’. Ease off the pressure by not putting him on the hot seat
DON’T PUSH HIM
Don’t pressure him to conclude the issue. If he needs time to think through what you have talked with him about, give him time. Sometimes a man needs to arrange his thoughts in his “me” time. You have had ample time to think about the issue, probably more time than him
BE FLEXIBLE
Perhaps after you talk, he might not see things your way or the outcome may not be as you anticipated. Don’t have a fixed mind, you two have to come to a joint agreement. Sometimes also you will need to exercise patience