Sometime last year I posted, “Don’t marry anyone just because you love the person, love is not enough reason to get married. There are other factors to consider.”
The post gathered some reactions both on Facebook here and on WhatsApp.
Some people agreed with me that love is not enough, while others disagreed.
Then many others asked me about the other factors that need to be considered before you marry someone.
So what I intend to do in this article is to show you the other factors you need to consider before you agree to marry anyone, aside love.
My intention for making that post was to help people to make sure all factors are considered before they venture into marriage to avoid regrets.
There are many people that got married only because of love but are now regretting that decision.
They were blinded by love but marriage performed a miracle on their eyes, now they can clearly see their mistakes.
What are these factors you need to consider before you marry?
1. Love
Because I said love is not an enough reason to get married doesn’t in any way negate the importance of love in marriage.
It will take a book to explain the criticality of love to marriage.
No marriage can survive without love on the long run.
Anger, irritation, resentment, quarrels, frustrations etc., are inevitable when there is lack of love.
To show you the importance of love, almost a whole chapter of the Bible was dedicated to that effect.( see I Cor 13)
Love is one of the vital pillars that sustains a marriage but as we all know that one pillar doesn’t sustain or hold a building, other pillars are needed.
So love is the first vital factor to consider.
Do you really love the person?
Do have feelings for this person?
Does the person also also feel the same way about you?
2. Compatibility
Apart from love another important factor to consider is compatibility.
Lack of compatibility is the leading cause of divorce around the world.
Compatibility is defined as when two things are capable of existing together in harmony.
For two people from different backgrounds, upbringing, culture, orientation, experience, education, philosophy etc., to live peacefully and in harmony with each other, they must be compatible (see Luke 5:36-37)
I have written some things about these important areas you must be compatible with anyone you want to marry.
Let me highlight them here…
✔️ Spiritual compatibility.
Do your spiritual beliefs and convictions align?
Are the both of you born again?
✔️ Purpose compatibility
Is there an alignment in purpose?
Are the both of you walking towards the same direction?
✔️ Mental compatibility.
Are the both of you operating on the frequency intellectually?
Some people are analogue in thinking while some are digital.
Some are still operating with the mentality of the 7th century in the 21st century.
When you hear, “This is not how my forefathers and ancestors did it,” that is mentality speaking.
Some men still believe a woman belongs to the kitchen and the other room.
✔️ Health compatibility
Does your genotype, blood group and Rhesus factor match?
What is your genotype status? AS, SS, AA, AC, SC
What is your blood group? A, B, O, AB
What is your rhesus factor? +ve or -ve?
✔️ Personality compatibility
According to research a large percentage of what you do is influenced by your personality type.
What is your temperament? Sanguine, Choleric, Melancholy, Phlegmatic?
Many couples are quarrelling and fighting today because they don’t have this knowledge, they don’t understand their partners.
So does your personality match?
✔️ Sex compatibility
Are your sexual orientations, education, exposure align with the person?
What’s your take on oral sex, anal sex, BDSM etc?
What are the things you cannot do or accept wjen it comes to sex, do they align your partner?
✔️ Preference compatibility
This talks about hobbies or things that interests one.
Is there an alignment?
See, when there is disparity in any of these areas of compatibility, it may result in conflicts in marriage.
Without compatibility, someone is definitely going to get hurt, either the couple or the children.
Lack of health compatibility is the reason why we have many children today suffering from Sickle Cell disease.
I know a couple that has lost 2 out their 3 children because of this sickness.
And these are children they spent almost 12 years looking for.
Lack of health compatibility in Rh factor one of the reasons why many women are having miscarriages.
3. The Will of God
The will of God is another factor to consider before you marry anyone.
What is heaven saying about this person you’re considering?
What is God saying?
The will of God in marriage is simply the person whom God approves for you to marry.
That is, some that God is pleased with and approves for you(see Matt. 3:17).
Now, this doesn’t mean that God specially created one particular person for you to marry.
There is nothing like that. But as a child of God, you need to carry God along in your choice of life partner.
4. Good character
There are ladies that are so in love with their guys that abuse them physically, emotionally, psychologically and otherwise yet they will not leave them because of love.
These guys beat them blue and black, disrespect them and do all manner of things to them but they are still stuck with them.
This is how many of them end up getting murdered in cold blood
The same applies to some guys. So check for good character.
Because you love someone doesn’t mean you will not check out his or her character.
A person’s character is who he or she is and that is what you will live with in marriage.
When someone has a bad character, no matter how much you love the person, my dear you will suffer.
5. Suitability
Water gets levels. Shoe gets size. Clothes get size and so do you when it comes to marriage. Everybody is not your size.
Even God understands this. In Gen 2:18 the Bible says, “The Lord God said, ‘“It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”’
By explanation, suitability means when something is capable, qualified, fit, proper, and appropriate for something.
You cannot put a squared peg in a round hole.
Love notwithstanding, it is not everyone that is suitable for you, your personality, your purpose, convictions, aspirations etc. Look for your size. Find your levels.
6. Agreement
The Bible asks this important question in Amos 3:3, “Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so? The answer is a capital NO!
By definition agreement is the state of being of one opinion about something or harmony of opinion, action, or character.
There are issues that a couple needs to be in agreement on if they will navigate the ocean of marriage successfully.
Take for an instant, a feminist and a non-feminist, these two people are different in opinion, when it comes to submission, order and leadership in marriage.
If they are not in agreement in this area, what do you think will happen? I leave the answer to you.
As a man, you want to marry a housewife, a woman that will stay at home and take care of the home and the children yet you will not look for such a woman to marry.
You will be looking for an ambitious career driven woman and want to force her to stay at home, you’re looking for trouble, Sir!
Lack of agreement will lead to conflicts, irreconcilable differences and if these are not managed properly, the continuity of the marriage will be under threat.
7. Yokability
In 2 Cor 6: 14 the Bible says, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness…”
In Israel, the farmers have a practice of yoking two animals of the same kind, say two donkeys, together for the purpose of ploughing the ground for plantation.
The two animals that are yoked must be of the same kind. You can’t yoke a donkey and a sheep together, you cannot yoke a donkey and a cow together. That’s an unequal yoke.
Marriage is a yoke. It yokes two people of the same kind and with the same purpose together.
A believer and unbeliever is an unequal yoke because the both of them are different.
They carry different natures and have different purposes.
Because of love, many zealous sisters got married to unbelieving partners, today they are nowhere to be found in the faith.
Their husbands stopped them from going to church and rubbished their Christian lives.
The same applies to some brothers.
When you yoke a donkey with a sheep together, there will be a problem.
The donkey is likely to strangulate the sheep to death or the donkey may end up having a hunchback as a result of bending.
So ask yourself, can I be yoked with this person and there won’t be any problem?
If you don’t want to be strangulated to death or develop a hunchback, my dear look for your mate.
Your progress in life will either be accelerated or decelerated it all depends on who you marry.
8. Is the person a child of God
A child of God is someone that has repented from his sins and surrendered his life to Jesus.
He’s someone that has encountered Christ and by virtue of that encounter, his life changed.
The person you want to marry, is he born again?
Don’t go and marry someone that’s under the leadership of the devil.
So these are the factors you need to consider before you venture into marriage.
No matter how much you love someone, if these factors are not checked, I bet you there will be problems.
Make your marital journey as easy as possible by getting it right from the beginning.
Tick the boxes before you go further
Love ✔️
Compatibility ✔️
The will of God ✔️
Good character ✔️
Suitability ✔️
Agreement ✔️
Yokability ✔️
Child of God ✔️
This is the reason why we have prayer, friendship, dating and courtship.
They are not for frivolities. They are agencies and mercenaries for getting things right.
I hope you can agree with me now that love is not enough reason to get married to someone.
Tell me what you think in the comment below.
Thanks for reading.
#MarryRight
By Okolie Samuel